Thursday, August 16, 2007
ok, so, after work, was waiting at the sembawang bus interchange.waiting for 167. and i started thinking of her. and i realised how much i missed her.how much she meant to me. true. i didn't love her as much as denise.but than again, i loved her quite a bit. and throughout this time. i thought that, oh its over, no big deal anymore.but i was wrong. true is, the me in me, minds.well, i cant explain it. it brought me into a depressed mood.then, music and it's effects. mahler symphony 1, 4th mvt came to mind.it just played in my head. the part where the flute would play.repeat the same short tune quicker and quicker 3 or 4 times.then it would end off with the oboe holding a note than going down to a lower note to end. at that moment, the clarinet, bird call,would sound. and blah blah blah. yeah it might be a different meaning from what i thought. but it was to me, like a voice, speaking words of comfort.warm, caring and stuff like that. and as it went further.the song becoming more lively. it was like, hey, there's always a brighter future.be optimistic. that kinda feeling.in the bus though. a different type of music played.i was still thinking of her. the music were, surprisingly, church hymns and the like.songs like, as the deer, blah blah blah. just songs that are sung in church.and i found myself fighting myself inside. fighting the softer me inside.fighting my emotions. fighting back tears. managed to stray away by just humming those tunes.after a while, when i sort of "relaxed". i decided i wanna head down to the Novena church. that place has quite some memories for me. used to head there with aunt and her family for sunday mass and stuff.remembered there was once, was really young, they have this midnight mass for some kinda event annually.so we had a bad spot, there wasn't any fan there.so i spent quite a large part of the entire mass using the book to fan aunt.kept switching hands so that i could keep going. and i didn't understand what the hell was going on anyway. so i occupied myself with keeping her cool.then there was this indian couple. the guy saw me doing that.point my actions out to the lady and they were smiling while looking.when i saw them looking at me, i just hid behind my aunt cause i was shy.and there was the church wardens. this fierce looking uncle.it was also a late night event. so when receiving blessings or holy communion.we were supposed to say something.cant remember exactly what we said when he caught me and shawn playing.think we gave a crap answer. "amen". he was like : " what Amen ?!?"its ++++++++++++++ ..... something like that. from then on we were always on the look out for him.and when he directed cars out of the parking area.we would hide at the leg rest area to avoid him spotting us.all the funny funny stupid things. so yeah. think i shall head there soon. i seriously do not know when. but i will when i have the time.thinking of getting the job at giordano, since they are hiring.pays 50 cents more per hr, as compared to my current pay.i dun mind holding two jobs. plan to save around 2k before entering NS.if possible, another 2K while i am in. efforts to cut cost have already proven effective.so yeah, just needa keep up the effort. well shall end here. i am dead tired...
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 23:56
