Sunday, February 25, 2007
just came home from bishan J8 ..was studying at Cafe Cartel with Shawn and Wilson ..one of the waitress sadly wasn't there, managed to get infor on her work schedule though hahaha, our friend helped us, both of them are workers there ..okie, but was there to study la, not for the girl ..revised one chapter after dinner, managed to clear it, settled a little bit of another chapter as well ..bought another bottle of hair spray as the current one is almost gone ..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~have anyone of your ever asked yourselves questions constantly?its this phrase in my life now where i constantly question myself ..i can look into the mirror and the question just pops up,who are you? is this really you?or like i can decide to do something, thought of the consequences already and,is that what you really want? than there's like, i am alone and just day dreaming on my way home and,what do you wanna do, now and in the future?don't you think its time to change? are you doing this because you want to?or sometimes i just question myself, why the change?i believe i have changed pretty much over time since sec 4 ..this change i am referring to ain't the physical aspect but rather, on things like the way i behave, the way i live, character and stuff like that ..yeah, sadly i have taken the wrong path on most of this aspectthat i have changed in and its pretty hard to change back ..sometimes i just wanna end it all, death seems like the best waythough not the only ..so in a way i yearn for death yet at the same time i fear it ..death is not an option anyway, its for losers, an easy way out ..that of course not me, i dun like to lose in any game ..anyway, so many questions yet so little answers huh? hahah ..i am just like a lost lamb waiting for its sheperd to herd it back to the flock ..yeah, just a lost lamb searching for its identity ..since dunno when, when all this started, i have been drifting ..my mind has been drifting everywhere ..i wonder what are the lives of others like, what are the lives of my friends ..i like the first part of Variazione Sinforniche nu "non potho reposare" haha ..its as though the people at the start palying their parts are deep in some sort of thought or a reflection of some sort ..i mean, what their parts mean ..i like songs that has a lot of thinking in it, as in like the composers are trying to say through that part that the character is deep in thought ..maybe because my mind is always wondering and thinking of things ..oh yes, side track a little, have any of you ever tried this?like for example, this part of the song describes a senerio wherebya mother is gonna die and she leaves behind a helpless little boy ..in other words, they are gonna be separated, forever ..so to play that part, assuming you know the notes at the back of your hand ..while playing, you let loose an almost similiar senerio that happened to you ..ever wondered whats the effect? haha, i believe its helps alot ..tried it for i think Les Miserable or Highlights from Chess ..that was the time when i really experimented on emotions mixedwith playing, and sometimes, the feeling can be quite arghhhh ..argghhhh, cause i dunno whats the word to use to describe the feeling hahah ..haiz, well back to the original track, thats my life now ..if you were to paint it out on a canvas sheet ..imagine this, all dark colors only, painted in circles of all sizes, with occassional specks of bright colors, warm but bright colors ..thats pretty much my life now, dark and going in circles, lost ..and once in a while, certain events cheer me up and this things give me hope,and at times, even provide answers to some questions in my life ..therefore, there are warm but bright colors in that darkness ..seriously, i dunch know how true, but i sort of feel this way ..the more we open our eyes, or rather, the price of opening our eyes moreto see the world clearer, different aspects of the world,would be the cost of the child like innocence in us ..and often it causes us to worry more, maybe because the soul of the world has already been darken very much by everything thats happening in it ..sorry if my thoughts or rather dark thoughts haha, have rubbed off on your, my readers ..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~okie, ida ain't all that tough afterall hahahha ..flipped to the back pages of the third mvt, realised something ..i think the french eat their main course first, followed by their appetizerthen their desert hahah, cause thats what i feel of the 3rd mvt ..the front is so ahhhhhh, than the back as compared to the front is like, phew ..hahahah, i maybe wrong though, cause i only LOOKED at it,didn't play it out, still sorting the front ..i think i can do it though, the high notes need time though ..ok actually its not high at all, just high to me hahah ..so yeah, think i can tackle it more or less ..and oh no, haha, i lost stamina le hahah ..k, actually its a serious thing and i should be going haha about it ..yeah, i lost pretty alot of stamina and i cant afford to give alot ..thats pretty strange to me, think my embrochure is quite weak actually ..gotta slowly build up again, bit by bit again haiz ..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~hahah, my friend and i were just chatting, about smoking and clubbing ..our life styles la in general, when it came to this topic ..so she was like dun smoke, cut down on it, its not good even if you are a social smoker ..well, the truth is, its damn tough for a social smoker, super tempting ..especially when cigarettes are so readily avaliable in my house hahah ..well, this is what happens, i take Marlboro Red pack ..its pretty strong, actually quite strong ..so what happens is that, social smokers dun smoke for long periods of time de ..and when we do smoke, the first puff is enough to get us high ..cause every time its like our first puff since the last was so long ago ..so yeah, the feeling keeps tempting you to go back for more hahah ..but well, we can control ourselves to a certain extent, so thats our reward ..everytime we puff, we feel like virgin smokers hahah ..at least, thats what me and my friends feel ..those who cant resist, just get hook loh, too bad, everyday must smoke le hahah ..kk, shall end here, got young readers ahahha ..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~man, too task orientated, not very good if other things are sacrificedin order to obtain the desired goal ..the original intention in the first place ..and yes i did realise the sudden stillness in the air, atmosphere changed ..its very true, hmmm, how then, the plan must be re-designed .. only that this round there are a few challenges along with it,and i love challenges hahah, great way to keep my mind going actually ..hmmm, design an efficient plan that keeps the orginal intention ..seems simple eh? hhaha, dont forget, every situation no matterhow big or small, has hidden problems here and there thatwould ultimately affect the bigger picture ..whether these problems are easily spotted or not isn't the issue ..hmm, interesting, think i would need an hour or two to either re-design the current plan or draw up a new one to replace the old plan ..either way i will get it done and make sure the results turn out well ..its for the good of everyone, so why not right? lesson learnt today, in every planning, details big and small have got be given a 100 percent worth of consideration ..including the very reasons for why the reasons to those objectives were created in the planning in the first place ..small little stuff can result in big differences, or what may seem small ..the people make the country and those who govern over them ..does that mean they are small and therefore are of no significance just because they are on the lower end of the ladder ?the interest of the people always come first, including what was done for them ..these should always be kept in mind and should always be kept in practice ..people stay a citizen of a country due to many reasons, and one of these would be because they call that country home ..what are the reasons that they call it home should never be neglected or sacrificed ..hmm, dun really know how to put it so it might not make any sense,besides, you have got to observe because i dont blog for nothing hahah ..
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 22:49
