Monday, May 21, 2007
i cant get to sleep. maybe its the game maybe its the coffee. my mind feels like a hive now. filled with activities. in this case, thoughts.these entry shall be all about my thoughts.heike may have hit the raw nerve after all. something i do not dare admit.yeah, maybe i still have some feelings for her deep inside.i am not sure though. for this particular girl. i think i loved her too much. its not wrong to love, dun get me wrong. its just hard to let go totally.i have more or less done so. ask me to delete pictures, throw away our writings.my reply would be, over my dead body. why so i do not know.right now i am trying to move on. yet there i am hesitant about doing so.if its true that there is still something, than it would be a wrong move to make,should i decide to get into another relationship. not that i am planning to.but yeah, it would affect the relationship. not very healthy.if i cant commit a hundred percent to the girl, than its a no go.it ain't right. and love isn't a game or anything anymore, that's why.what did i say that sounded derogatory in any manner.or sounded like i had any feelings of contempt. thats pretty interesting an interpretation. with regards to the subject,my conclusion has taken a twist that some what shocks myself.pretty interesting that i included another subject into the equation as well.fine, lets push the boundaries. lets see how far one will go.amusing what one does as a result of love or the likes of it.it leaves me buffled.you know what, i feel like smoking or drinking or something.there's too much on my mind. i wanna sleep. i seriously wanna sleep.its too late already though, 03:10. afraid i cant get up for work tomorrow.my body is tired, my mind, i cant say the same.ah, whats wrong with this shell.i shall try something out. an experiment with myself and my emotions.since i know i am pretty much aware of my emotions. i shall try and check them before emoting. in other words, rationalise my thoughts.the set back though, as was said, of over rationalising. is that one becomes some what, robotic.shall still carry on with it though.i need a hair cut. trim a little hair off here and there, especially around the ears.ok, shall do that when i have the cash. my head looks like a mop.i look weird after getting up from bed. wait i always look weird when i wake up.like some explosion had just taken place.my hair would be all standing or something, just super messy.hahah, attached. i have taken on a change that makes me seem attached ahha.that, would be the most interesting topic i heard for the day. the observations others have of me, never fail to catch my attention.i really like hearing what others have observed about me. sometimes i get some very interesting stuff from friends, and we laugh about it together. ok, back back. in what way do i seem to have changed that makes me seem attached? the black coffee? hahahaha its really fun. i cant figure this out hahah. interesting really. right now, with the possible ladies i know.if i am attached to any of them, it would be bad for them. i would just totally corrupt them in everyway that i am capable of hhaha.unknowingly la. why would i wanna consciously corrupt them.if there's any reason for what seems like a change in me.firstly, it would due to self awareness of certain character flaws or the like.secondly, i have been bugged down with a few things recently.be it thoughts or what. it gets tiring on the mind. its wears the mind out.therefore, affecting the physical state of a person. and it also causes the stoning or, physically present yet mentally adsent, state.its not totally about girls i am thinking of hahaha.hmmm, guys with their radar, GPS what ever you wanna call it.me with my super sensitive one hahaa. no i check every girl out.there's one particular feature, the most obvious at a glance, that usually catches my eye, which causes the head-turn thing.and so unfortunate of me, many girls has that one thing hahaha.it doesn't have to be specific, as long as its close to it, it catches me already.yeah, and i am the super curious kind. so the one thing that i really wanna find out, dunch ask me why,is the face hahaha. i wanna see whats the face like.i dunno why so dun ask me, i dunno whether its because i wanna check outhow beautiful her face is, or how cute it is or what. just wanna look thats all hahaha.gonna make myself some hot drink later.getting a bit hungry. falling sick again. getting very sleepy.whats the one thing that have been on my mind recently?trying to apply what i have learnt.shall edit my blog. end.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 02:55
