her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 04:59
Monday, May 28, 2007
its nice to know that the person you love;
cares for you,
is patient with you,
wants to get closer to you,
waits anxiously for your msges,
doesn't wanna give up on you guys,
cries because she worries about you guys,
feels hurt when e relationship hits rocky shores,
falls more in love with you every passing day,
cant give a shit about your background,
tries to work things out with you,
wants more for the both of you,
scolds you for your own good,
doesn't give up on you,
and that she just loves you.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 01:02
Sunday, May 27, 2007
as some of your might have realised by now.
my entries are kinda all over the place. for example,
what i might blog now, would be what i wanna say of an event like 3 days ago.
thats pretty obvious with my dreams haha.
its just that, some things choose to come to me at certain times.
so for the previous few entries, and the next few to come,
its best to disregard the date ahahah, some are accurate though, its pretty obvious.
like band is on sunday, so yeah, stepped on his saliva TODAY.
sort it yourselves alright? sorry for the trouble.
till i sort myself out, it would be pretty much like this.
ah i remember what was my other dream, besides the cracked bells.
in my dream, i was in school uniform haha, sec school.
was on the 2 level. me and my pals heard a string ensemble going,
so we just ran to the window. strangely our window over looks the hall like area.
so yeah, there were about 3 or 4 rows of them, like 30 to 50 players.
and they were either violins, violas
or anything string that needed the elbow for support.
cause of the way they bowed they could be string basses or the like.
so yeah, i think i was sec 1 or 2 in the dream cause i couldn't really look over the window edge hahaha. i needed a chair to stand on.
anyway it ended with us going like, oooo ahhhh waaaa.
band today was suay, stepped on tian ze's saliva.
and tiring and boring and i was feeling pretty restless for some reasons.
was anticipating something. waiting for something.
it came, but it wasn't what i wanted so i just kept waiting and waiting.
anyway, received a call from kat during sectionals.
yeah, the black arse regu has been fired, bye sucker.
that means one more thing though, besides him being gone.
i get to clock more working hours cause the outlet would be short handed.
i dun mind exhausting my brains as long as it takes my mind off things.
ok i am super broke already, dead broke. just gotta hold out till tuesday.
than my funds are in ahahha. and then friday haha, more funds.
and then any day between the 1st and 10th of june, half of it would be gone, haiz.
the governess has given her approval so yeah, gonna get it haha.
maybe do the shopping on my own though ahahah. see how, let me think.
before i spend any money though, gotta throw aside some cash for my ezlink.
always run out of cash for transport, irritating. find a day to go out with family.
than i can get the shirt as well. free hahaha, ok thats very cheapo i know.
needa lessen the pressure, i actually feel like putting the shirt on hold.
cause i wanna get it using my own cash, and i am not very confident that after
buying the jacket, i would be able to last till month end if i were to buy other stuff.
gonna watch shrek with her hahah. dunch know how am i gonna last though.
since i am not a fan of cartoons like this.
she actually was thinking of watching POC with me, till her friend came and disturb.
ah, irritating, yet it was a blessing in disguise hahaha. cause i would be watching it with my friend who owes me money ahahha. getting it back when i see him haha.
good also, never seen him for quite a while.
anyway yeah, shrek. just hope i am not as green as he is at the end of the show.
to me, cartoons are for little children, its not true,
but i dunch know where that perception came from hahaha.
well as long as we can spend some time together, i really dun mind.
work schedules keep clashing. luckily we work near each other, though not for long.
shall treasure this convenience for as long as i can.
its nice to just head to the esplanade roof after work,
just to hang around, chit chat, enjoy the breeze, the peace and quiet.
yeah, work ends at 9 or 10. weekdays, there won't be many people up there.
its quite a nice place for heart to heart talks and stuff like that.
ho ho ho, a very naughty idea just came to mind while i was bathing hahaha.
pray that no one askes for a drink from me on the bus in australia,
and that i remember the contents. cause if i dun, i would just hand it over.
what a sight, what a waste ahahha. what do the russians do to keep warm in the cold?
volka hahahah, they hand you shots of volka instead of water in their shops.
like everywhere in russia hahaha. gotta find a pretty tight flask though.
dun wanna spill any. i don't really like volka actually, so it would be something else.
and its gonna be on the rocks hahaha.
that is of cause, i really do it, which would be of a very low chance.
might as well just drink it straight from the bottle right ahahah.
ok, a little bit the thinking too much ahahah. ok sorry was just mad.
gonna do some shopping in aussie, gonna get a birthday present for aunt jenny.
my dearest aunt, what shall i get her. shall see what they have there.
shall get a shirt for each of my siblings.
for dad, hmm he wants something from the airport, duty free, so yeah haha.
his is settled :X hahahaha. shall see what they have in aussie for him.
i might not have enough cash though, so its either i get something for them or i dun.
of cause she and aunt gets something. cant understand why i fell for her.
i seriously don't, not that there is something bad about her or what
that caused me to say this.
rather, i am wondering what sparked this feelings. amazing and interesting.
is there really a cupid ? hahaha angel with a bow and arrow of love.
come to think of it, i just understanded her reactions in the past.
i realised her reactions when they were shown,
but i couldn't understand them. could only draw a few conclusions.
now i fully got it, and i was partly right ahahah.
i hate back stabbers. i said it before, i'll say it again. i hate them to the core.
i guess you never expected us to have a good chat.
well now the truth is out, too bad for you. your poison back fired.
lets see how you counter your own poison, plus mine.
i never imagine you would do something like that.
what ever the reason, you are no longer friend to me.
how dare you try split us apart. i am not a prize, this isn't a game.
what goes around, comes around, your lies have caught up with you.
your scheming ways have brought you down.
i no longer would be bothered about you.
for they say, to not be bothered is worst than to hate someone.
about 4 days ago, i found part of myself had changed,
i managed to firmly say no as well as to bring my feelings across.
yesh i was very pissed with being patient and felt like i wasn't taken seriously.
so that was it, like two to three months already. waited so long.
so yeah, that was what i did. of cause the receiver wasn't too pleased.
well too bad, you have used up your chances, dun come knocking for more.
i ain't that innocent and agreeing no more. cheese to the old me.
i realised that there are some i need to condemn already.
not that i never realised this, but rather, i never felt it neccessary.
there are some in this world, that just keep taking bites out of others
because they feel this others wouldn't retaliate at all.
well, do not take my tolerance as my weak point.
there's a limit and sadly, to my disadvantage, the sky is my limit at times.
so yes, the change is neccessary, some need to be black listed.
it ain't something that's very nice to do, but hey,
why should i treat you any better than the way you treat me.
i look like a fool doing that. fuck that.
it seems pretty boring already, not much of a kick already.
its good that i made that move. now its just the transition period.
once that's done, i would be pretty free i guess. dun wanna be more than ordinary.
i share the same sentiments as a friend or two,
each has his own point and take, there are of cause common points.
just wish that one factor would mature as fast as possible.
cause the mature rate would determine how soon the other factor can kick in.
speed up will you? cause the fire is dying.
ever seen beauty and the beast? the rose in the jar.
yes, its withering, its petal peeling off one by one, the magic, fading.
i find it pretty amusing at times,
that commitment can sometimes be measured.
be it through monetary value, or actions or anything else.
i think the only one think possible to use as a gauge would be effort.
yeah of cause, it doesn't mean you put in 1 unit of effort you get 1 unit of result.
you can throw in 100 units of effort yet get 0 units of results,
does that mean then, that you are not committed to what ever you are doing?
i sometimes laugh when i hear of such things.
of cause not laugh out loudly, just laughing to myself.
i really do not get the way some people think.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 20:47
Saturday, May 26, 2007
wanted to blog this yesterday but i forgot about it so here it is haha.
ok, i shall never auto roam again. or rather, try my best not to auto roam.
you know, check other girls out and stuff.
cause i realised how much i hated it when other guys kept checking her out.
yeah, so must kinda spare a thought for my other bros out there haha.
thats the main thing though, i really cant stand it.
dunno if its jealousy or what. it cant be jealousy because i am with her.
i dunno, i just feel, what the hell, feel kinda disgusted.
and they are worst than me God damn it, they turn their entire bodies,
even their toes point in the opposite direction after a while.
cant stand it really. sick idiots. well at least i have her heart, your dont HAHA :P
ok that was really childish, just something to comfort myself with ahhaha.
oh man, i really dunno la. the whole day. really couldn't stand it.
nah, she's not the cause of it. i mean, girls like to doll up, dress up and stuff.
its the guy's fault most of the time. we just cant help but look,
ogle at the ladies we think beautiful.
its not all girls that dress for the attention you know.
ah, appreciating a lady, thats one tough chapter, besides understanding one.
tough chapters eh. not good at studying as well hahah sucks.
ok, shall slowly learn again. every girl is unique in her own way.
yup, learn about her, her likes and dislikes. learnt a few already.
quite a bit of everything, so yeah, must jia you.
i seriously dunch know why i am going though i didn't intend to.
alright, heike sent me some pretty nice songs, they are classified as "indie"
like those songs in those american shows.
where the actors are driving on the desert highway with their windows down,
and in the back ground there are those real relaxing music.
dun think horror shows, think those kind like the lake house, yup.
well some are meaningful some are just nice to listen to.
ok, we have one kind in common hhaha, we like some of the oldies.
its also the same reason that got us started,
our fathers listened to them when we were young hahaha.
so was like oh wow really ahhaha. really amusing i must say ahaha.
how does one express their feelings for another, they dun wanna use "love you"
because the feelings are not that strong. and its kinda weird to use "like you".
so whats the word that would describe the feel ahha.
since its neither like nor love but in between, the intensity of the feelings.
hmmm, " dun love you but i like you ? " hahahahah. sounds weird haha.
or maybe this " i love you " hahaha, also weird.
and if the girl askes huh? just reply, sry typed wrongly hahaha. ouch.
ok, anyway thats just a no brain thought that came to my mind.
ok i got it sorted out yup. now its just when to get what.
coming up with a bunch of reasons on which to get first.
the liquor should come second, over the jacket.
its just a want, the liquor, so yeah, thats the hard part. neccessity vs desire.
and the other part would be the timing.
cant get it too soon or too late, depending on which item.
cause it would either mean i would be too broke to survive the month,
or i wouldn't have any money left to get it.
i just remembered though,
that i would only have to survive for about 3 weeks cause i'll be away for one.
so yeah, that lessens the pressure on my funds.
plus i would be able to get back some money from some friends.
and some extra funding from elsewhere when the day comes.
yesh these just came to my mind. must becareful with all the cash though.
dun just burn it all away hahaha.
that extra input would further last me another 3 weeks easily.
if i dun go pubbing and stuff. which now, with her, i most likely won't.
and yeah, maybe spend the last day with her before flying off.
oh yeah, i had a super horrible dream quite a few days ago.
think its been a week or two already ahhaha. i dreamt i had two clarinet bells.
both were leblanc, one with the ring, the other without.
so anyway, both cracked, and it was like crack till some wood came off.
like termites had just finished with it or something haha.
like jaggered and stuff. in the dream i just kept looking at them.
just looked at it in amazement. and there was a bright light shining at me all the time.
such that when i had the bells in between me and the light source,
it was like a man in a desert, placing his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun.
and between him and the sun, stand a termite nest.
that jaggered flat edge ridge like termite nest design.
oh do you know. in the desert, termites build their nest high up into the air?
and its just a flat piece liek a straight line when viewed from the top.
thats to help them maintain the tempreture. using the sun's rays of cause.
so in the day time, it sort of traps the heat in the nest, letting it build up.
and in the night, it slowly dissipates.
other ants got other ways, like those huge ones in the australian jungles.
their queen is quite deep under ground, are they bull ants? cant remember.
anyway, to keep the nest cool. the ants travel regularly in and out of the nest.
sort of like to carry off some heat with them when they exit.
and it actually works because of their numbers. just imagine,
when they decide to go on a hunt, its like the forest floor moving.
yup, thats how many of them there are.
pretty stressed about something i guess. cause my mood ain't that good.
getting pretty short tempered. not sure if its stress though.
i think i am just thinking too much about certain things.
i realise that i no longer wear the smile on my face. instead its a slight frown.
i know i worry about something. just hope i can take it easier.
hmmm, shall see how. right now, i need a warm bath,
and a good night msg, not just from anyone of cause.
the little boy falls in love, again.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 22:46
Friday, May 25, 2007
hmmm, seem to be heading in that direction.
which is causing my heart to jump for joy. cant help it seriously.
found myself wanting her, yet i seriously cant understand nor explain it.
i have already began learning something from this lesson.
you could say its from her, cause she's doing it the way she feels comfortable with.
patience. yeah, taking it slow and easy. its very hard for me to do that.
its like chaining the devil by its ankles and wrists to a pillar.
keep having to fight down the speed demon in me, tiring battle.
its a real restless one, with child like energy, it doesn't die or rather, hasn't yet.
anyway yeah, its a good lesson for me, since i am always rushing in everything.
always feeling the need to rush things. push things as fast as possible.
especially in area, relationship. i managed to push things to quite a pace.
and i kinda got used to it being at that pace.
so yeah, its good to slow down just that i need to be taught how to.
so here is the one who is teaching me, and she's quite a lovely teacher.
alright was out with heike today. met for lunch, did some window shopping.
eventually got so bored of window shopping, we just decided to chat.
so chatted all the way and eventually, well, home ahahah.
was at the AMK hub, waiting for 169.
got pretty bored, decided to check out the watches.
got pretty engrossed looking at some of the brands, ended up missing one 169.
so was like oh, ok, i missed it, that gives more time for watching viewing.
so yeah, headed to the next shop, saw a GUESS watch.
quite nice and surprisingly cheap, so was like, i gotta try that hahaha.
so tried it, didn't really like it in the end. looked weird ahha.
so saving for the Absinthe, shall wait till dad askes what i want,
than i shall tell him. for now, its just searching.
and waiting for that day to come. i may have already bought it by then though.
thinking of getting another, mark of the devil, hahah.
just dunno what, when and on where. totally no idea at all.
have 3 possible places in mind though. shall consider them.
meanwhile i need something to fill up the what.
cause without that, where cant be decided, so yeah, see first.
cant wait for them to head overseas.
they are heading to Japan if i am not wrong, sometime in june.
hope they are not going there when i am in aussie though.
that would be a real bummer. cause if they are leaving while i am in SG,
someone's coming home hahah. maybe not only that one, maybe 2 more.
only one's gonna have the over night option though haha.
and i would be able to stay out late as well.
catch a late movie or something before heading home.
gonna set aside 100 to 200 for when they are not around.
everything, lunch transport entertainment haha, all counted in.
wouldn't be spending much anyway, so thats quite alot of money already.
would open the absinthe then as well, most likely thats the date.
had quite a surprised today ahha. never met parents for a long time.
was like oh how to react? program lost le. its been a long time since it was last used.
so yeah, was like, hi uncle hi aunty.
it was so soft though that i doubt they could even hear me.
was like, stuck there, try to think of something,
then was like, ok bye bye hahaha. quickly, escaped. hahaha.
and i went the wrong direction as well ahhaha.
went off in nearly the opposite direction. had to search for the main road in the end.
ah well, enjoyed myself, her pressence, i just like it.
her face still etched in my mind. man, this is bad.
yet i think i am gonna be smiling to myself, lost in my thoughts for quite a few days.
saw a pair of demin jacket at paragon. cant remember the shop's name.
anyway, its really really very nice, even better than Levis.
the material is pretty good as well, it of cause, comes with quite a price as well.
thats the other item on my list. deciding what to get.
i can only select one when dad askes me the question.
so yeah, gotta select properly. it would though, come in more handy than a watch.
and a watch ain't that nesseccary as compared to the jacket since i have one already.
right now i have only one sweater. it doesn't have any buttons or zip though,
so its like pretty troublesome to get it off, the inner layer of shirt just comes out too.
a jacket though, has a zip, easy to take on or off, pretty convenient.
plus that one shirt, budget for shopping would be quite wow hhaaha.
all tops and tops only. may have to put off the absinthe actually.
anyway, alcohol isn't good, especially such a strong kind.
clothing first. all the neccessary stuff must of cause come first.
wants can come later. shall see how do things go.
cause i might get it even before dad askes, so yeah,
dont have to depend on them on that way.
in life, its always better to be owed than to owe, even if its family.
hmmm, must start planning already. observe first.
observe, learn, apply. cant let any mistakes happen, as far as possible.
its too precious. those eyes, that look, the thoughts behind them.
i cant help but melt when i see that. its an adorable look, pretty captivating.
i guess its unanswered questions that are running through the mind.
cant help but look away from that gaze though, not all the time can i stand it.
its not a bad thing thats why i cant look for long into that gaze.
i dun wanna be read like how i read the person.
work next week would be madness already.
2 days of 12 hours, and if i am not wrong, the other days i forgot how many hours.
anyway from monday to thursday, i would have clocked 42 hours already.
there's a 12 hour day for the public holiday for me though ahaha.
i think thats on thursday. wanted to get the extra per hour cash.
so told kat she could give me the whole day since we are short of staff that day.
of cause i told her i wanted the extra cash.
its too little money for me though. i need a higher paying job.
maybe like what she said, a desk job would be better, but where ?
or maybe a job that pays 8 an hour? i wouldn't mind 7.
i would still throw in just as many hours. i just wanna earn more.
kinda eating up the hours that the other workers cant cover as it is ahaha.
actually would tire myself out next week,
so i shall have breakfast everyday before leaving house.
need the extra energy. plus a single shot of expresso every morning at work.
needa keep myself alert and awake haha,
maybe some brandy to go along haha, kidding.
wouldn't be blogging i guess.
since i need the sleep as well. heavy work schedule next week.
waffle day, public holiday, quite murderous hahaha.
i am mitchell li though, i can pull off that stun. never say die.
ok no other thoughts, so i shall end here.
i am such a sucker for love.
cant stop loving it.
explain it to me.
haha.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 20:36
oh yes, did mention? i found the liquor, Absinthe.
found it at vivo city where Addison said he saw it.
ok so there are 3 colors, or bottle colors, didn't really notice. green, red and black.
alcohol content? green 70%, red 75%, black 80%.
think i wanna get the green one soon. comes in this set thing, quite cool for display.
gonna open it though. first glass would be with heike haha.
rumored to be high proof though. so must be like pretty careful with it.
its cheaper than i expected it to be. was thinking like 200, 300 that kinda price.
was like around 160. well, i just wanna try everything. thats just me.
ok, made a new drink today.
mixed the Blue Curacao syrup with the Passion Fruit syrup,
so what you would get would be a green mixture hahah, quite a cool green.
add ice THEN sprite to it. stir well.
till like the syrup mixture blends itself with the sprite.
the suntec people actually liked it, and the barister from TCC.
what actually happens is that, when the liquid first enters your mouth,
you get the sprite taste with a back drop of passion fruit.
then when you swollow it down, the passion fruit taste becomes more evident.
plus, i guess its the blue curacao, there's a really refreshing minty feeling
as the drink flows down the throat hahaha. they found it, refreshing, yummy haha.
and it looks, evil, actually like absinthe, when it hasn't been stirred.
shall look for something that can make a real red drink.
anyway, joan encourages us to think of new drinks as promotional items.
so why not hahah. plus it helps kill time.
anyway, if you see me drinking a drink that isn't on the menu haha,
yeah, its either made by me or by my suntec pals.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 00:30
Thursday, May 24, 2007
alright, the "quotes" section is up and running, shall add more as time goes by.
the last one is well hahaha, pretty weird to include i guess.
tonight was well, interesting. spent quite some time with her, almost the entire day.
suddenly i find myself seeking what i wanna avoid.
as usual, chit chatted. what was not usual, was what i learnt.
and that we found out the many things we had in common.
it seriously is, scarily alot. right down to the quantity of it, what ever it is.
so, went our own ways at 2 earlier on. quite a fruitful night.
no, i didn't make a move or anything. fruitful because, the intensity was quite high.
within a short time, we exchanged hell alot of information.
knew alot more about each other, or, knew each other better, as well.
found out certain stuffs which, kinda shocked me hahaha.
our first impressions of each other and stuff like that, pretty funny as well.
yeah, it was a night well spent. definitely there would be another such night.
okie, visited the doctor instead. gave him some money.
and his assistant gave me some drugs, high man ahhaha.
yeah, something happened in the morning which totally forced a change of plans.
was drying my hair with my tower when the pain just shot up my back.
i was like ouch, than froze for a while. slowly, cautiously, moved my arms back down.
and i couldn't bend forward after that ahhaha, it would hurt.
so to the doctor.
and then to ICA, man, the wait there was like close to 2 hrs.
thats not very long already, from experience.
anyway, there's been adjustment to the system.
the new system renews the passport expiry dates to like, the maximum haha.
as the lady said ahha.
i was like, huh? so long ah. i thought she made a mistake.
than she was like, oh its like that now, system has been revised.
i was like, oh ok, thats great, that means i wont have to come here and wait
for quite a few more years to come hahaha.
ok, bella gave me a call last min. hate to answer phones when i am on dates.
seriously, its a mood spoiler. takes so long to build the mood,
but it can be brought down pretty fast. especially when the topic changes to,
" what was it about ? "
anyway, i gotta be at work by 9am, means i gotta wake up at 7am.
OM wants me down along with some others. bella doesn't know why, strange.
think there is a system change in some stuff.
or maybe she wanna test our SOP hahaha, sure die.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 02:42
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
oh yes, something happened at work on monday, itchy finger thats why haha.
no it wasn't a bad thing that resulted haha.
just received a very interesting look from the customer.
ok, here goes what happened. this ang mo came in, ordered an ice cream in a cone.
ok, scooped the ice cream, placed it in the cone, got up,
was waiting to hand him the cone.
so as he was looking towards the floor, searching for the money in his wallet
when he started to whistle a tune, a few bars worth.
i was like, oh so familiar, oh that song. so he realised i waiting,
gave me the cash took his cone. it all happened pretty fast.
like a few seconds after he stopped whistling, he had the cone in his hands.
so itchy backside me, whistled back the following line nonchalantly.
then i looked at him, hahah, his expression.
that kinda " hmmm, did i hear wrongly ? did u do that ? "
he cocked an eye brow, and momentarily froze on the spot hahaha.
what was the song hahahah, Mahler 1 mvt 4.
thats self entertainment hahaha.
something happened in the bus earlier on, which made me feel a little guilty,
and which also caused me to some what reflect on similiar pass incidents.
well, there was this hunched old man waiting at the bus stop
when the bus came in. so it stopped, and alighted a passenger.
the elderly man got up from the benched only after the bus had completely stopped.
as he was reaching the front doors of the bus, it just started to drive off.
maybe the elderly guy wanted to enquire about its route,
or maybe he just realised it was his bus. now, the thing is.
the guy that alighted wanted to help stop the bus,
but was unable to the driver's attention and therefore failed to stop it.
me on the other hand, was perfectly capable of doing so,
i just needed to hit the button in front of me.
yet, i hesitated, thought about whether i should have done so,
and by then, the elderly man had missed the chance of maybe
reaching his destination earlier.
that led me to reflect on pass situations where i was perfectly capable to help
another person yet because of my hesitation, i lost the chance of doing it.
some might say its not your fault, no i am not taking it that way.
rather, i find it strange that i would hesitate acting for a good reason.
and therefore, there is some guilt because i did not help.
it doesn't feel right when you think about it.
well, its not always that you need to do something wrong for a wrong to be done.
it could be also, that you have not done something,
therefore a wrong has been committed.
like sentence said during a catholic mass,
" in my thoughts, in my words,
in what i have done and in what i have FAILED to do "
i realised something at work today, dun wanna say exactly what it is
cause i dun want people to say i am boasting or what.
its not something that i really have control over, its something thats a gift from birth.
like today, i got a very shy reponse just by smiling back.
its something that very evident, body language is quite loud.
and i get nicknames from my colleagues and stuff.
the ladies dressed pretty formally? they are the boldest among all.
with those eyes and stuff. they don't shift their eyes downwards or something
when i reply their glance with a friendly smile ( customers mah ).
they look straight into mine. not like with anger or anything.
with the same intensity and for a reason that would cause me to
wanna get the order taken as quickly as possible. its, scary lol.
elderly couples, maybe because it has a decent feature about it.
it makes striking conversations with them, pretty easy.
and it sometimes becomes a topic for jokes haha.
like there was once, when Elvin served a dish to a group of girls.
he returned to the counter and he said,
"eh mitchell, their next dish you serve la, i dont wanna serve them already.
they say you *** never say me. hurt my feelings. "
the rest of us were literally laughing out loud. he of cause wasn't hurt.
just cracked a joke out of the girls' conversation.
and i jokingly told bella off about calling me that today.
cause i really do not like people calling me that, though i respond to it :x
yeah !! i told her off hahah, i managed to tell her off about something hahaah.
well, its a gift as well as, some might say, a curse.
its up for one to decide which it is, or maybe even both.
oh yeah, the kitchen today was hahaha, like a club compared to the rest of gelare.
brought my lappy down today. wanted to copy some songs from my friend's
cd then returned the CDs to her y today. failed to do so, forgot it was waffle day.
super busy day ahaha. anyway yeah, brought it, played music, just up the vol.
there are no speakers or anything installed in the kitchen, so its pretty quiet.
save the dish washing machine when its running.
so yeah, bodys moving to the beat of the music, in the kitchen ahaha.
make the sandwich / pasta, wash the dishes while doing your thing haha.
its pretty infectious, that kinda high mood hahah.
and those tired ones, when they enter, they leave the kitchen as
though they just started work ahhaa.
music, it does wonders. a remedy for many if not all types of illness.
especially when it has something to do with emotions.
music totally dissolves through all the barriers any emotion creates.
it touches the inner soul with ease.
what happened though, that really scared me ahha.
was that the area come operations manager came down.
and she entered the kitchen, and the music was going on and on hahaha.
she didn't say anything though, but that doesn't mean approval.
especially when the lappy was plugged to a power point. yikes. hahaha.
ok, tomorrow's plans. only meeting her around 6pm.
she has work so yeah, no plans before that. hmmmm.
actually wanna head down to the cc, practice some parts,
then head go renew my passport expiry date.
not sure if they charge though, shall find out from dad tomorrow.
if they do, then i needed get some cash if i intend to get it done.
think that's most likely. since i cant practice like 5 hrs at one shot.
shall take a few things into consideration. not sure if i wanna head to the CC.
there would be sectionals on sat anyway,
yet it ain't responsible to not know your parts or at least do some work on it first.
really wanna play my clarinet as well. 2 more months, not long from now.
i can last longer already, fast than i thought it would take.
shall change my practice method. with regards to another matter of cause.
i never worked with the tick tock tock tock thing when i do self practice.
neither do i use the tuner, big bad mistake. dont have the habit of doing so.
recently started using more of the tuner though.
its the tick tock tick tock thing now hahaha. tick tock tock, cant spell it, sry.
that mechanism i mean, i cant spell it out, its name. metronum ? hahaha.
ok, i tried hahahah.
relationship, that word took on a new meaning today, for me.
i cant explain how and i dunch wanna explain why haha.
its just different, its now like a mixture of,
rationalized thoughts, and feelings, combined as one.
it ain't just about emotions, so raw and vulnerable to changes around us.
by being rational with our thoughts of our feelings and other related matters.
we can more or less predict some stuffs and acertain our inner feelings.
we may be open to expressing certain feelings, yet at the same time,
certain other feelings, we keep to ourselves.
sometimes we have questions that some of us prefer to not ask,
out of fear of losing that someone by provocation of some emotions in that person.
so these kinda stuff, we keep it to ourselves, yet, it bugs us to find out.
so by being open to discussion, by reasoning.
we sometimes get our questions answered without directly asking.
or we may not even ask at all but the question still gets answered.
well, there's a whole lot more to relationships.
i have only just unpeeled the layer of covering at the surface.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 00:23
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
the previous 4 entries were some what depressing in nature.
especially the 2nd last one i believe. now for something of a brighter nature.
more fun and brightly colored.
night out with heike was fun. chit chat about lotsa stuff.
anything that came to mind hahah. met at the same place, esplanade library.
she had a new look haha. two pony tails, those like double helix kinda pony tails.
two of them on each side, left and right. made her look like a little girl.
hahah, she doesn't like looking cute so when she asked how did she look.
i was like, hmmm i dunch know how to explain but it suits you better.
hahaha, took a very neutral stand hahah.
well, she somehow looks adorable haha, plus her personality.
she's the bubbly chatty kind hahah. just adds more points to being adorable.
so yeah, its pretty easy to chat with her. everything just goes hahaha.
let me see what did we do huh. met at the esplanade.
went on to orchard, Zara near wheelock place.
headed to wisma, than takashimaya. went window shopping.
bought some stuff at Fox Fashion. each one item hahah.
she couldn't resist it and so she bought something haha.
it was damn funny. she was just accompanying me on a search for shirts.
so we were at Fox and i was checking out a few shirts.
wanted to seek her opinion but i couldn't find her.
so searched and searched than was like, heard the fitting room doors unlocked,
turned, and there she was hahaha. heike fell in love with a skirt and a shorts.
so the shorts was a must buy haha. the skirt she was like,
ahhhh, help me decide, its so nice its so cute ahhh, should i buy.
tell me not to buy it. ahh, but i wanna buy it help help.
so i was like hmmm, took the skirt, placed it back on the rack and was like
lets pay for your shorts ahhaha. you dunt need the skirt right?
since you said you have a few already.
hahah, she was going oh man, quick, lets get out of here. whine whine whine.
haha, it was seriously damn funny.
anyway, got her opinion between two shirts. the one i bought in the end,
would be pretty good for me. decided on it for a very important reason as well.
ok, work was funny and at the end, irritating and tiring.
thanks to the black arse again. anyway, because of the blac arse,
i had to totally handle delivery and making of everything ice cream and waffle.
so yeah, there was one part where there was an order for 3 small waffles,
one waffle tower. downed the mixture for the small waffle ( 2 at a time ).
made the waffle timer while the timer counted down.
halfway through the tower, heard an order for a nuts about chocolate.
so once the tower was done, sent it, came back did the nuts about chocolate,
sent it, came back to the waffle area, processed the details of the small waffle order,
and just nice, the waffles were ready. 2 ice cream creations under 4 mins.
not bad already, broke my personal record.
it gives a sense of satisfaction, to hear the wow from the customers
when the dish you made is placed before them.
kinda amazed myself that i managed to complete the 2 dishes so quickly.
not boasting just was really amazed.
through out the entire 4 mins, there was one thing on my mind.
i was monitoring my breathing with the mask on, for the whole time.
so i was just doing the rest of the stuff pretty much mindlessly, like a robot.
hahaha, i was like, man this mask makes breathing difficult.
oooo, i cant really breathe properly, its getting warm and moist ahahah.
ok, soon soon, i can get this thing off soon, ahh, soon soon.
ok, think i have gotten into Joan's good books.
of cause it not just by myself. my managers must have said something as well.
Joan tried to get them to get me to stay longer.
stay longer than just up to mid july. shall see how.
kat was asking me to like still continue with the job,
come back to work when i can, help them out here and there.
i gave a very honest reply, i'll try my best,
see how do things work out on the other side first.
though what would most likely happen would be this.
once i have greener pastures, i wouldn't think of returning to the desert.
well shall just see haha. ok, guess i am known for the ice cream creations now.
simply because she said my ice cream creation has standard.
stress stress. everytime she comes, my heart beat sky rockets.
and everytime she tells me, relax relax dun so kan chiong.
my reply would be hahah, oh ok. what i really wanna reply all the time would be,
" how can i relax when you are beside me when i am working?
you are the one that wrote the SOP if you have not realised it " hahahahhaah.
oh yesh. joan instructed me to stand with grace outside the store today.
keep grace company, chat with her or something.
if there's customers than we would come in and stuff. i was like oh ok.
was veyr blur la, felt very wrong to stand outside and chit chat hahaha.
especially when all the managers are there. so i reached grace,
than she asked how come you come out? i was like joan say one.
she asked us to chit chat. than grace was HUH ? i was like ya loh.
than i looked at joan, she looked at me, than the whoel group of managers looked
at me and grace. through hand signals i asked joan, chat about what?
the whole group laughed. the two of us felt super uneasy hahaha.
in the end i seeked permission from joan. and she allowed us back.
my reason? felt very uneasy, awkward to stand around chit chat and do nothing.
we are too used to standing behind the counter.
with the counter, display cases and stuff as a barrier between us and the customer.
after a while, without that barrier, we felt some what, exposed, therefore uneasy.
ok, i guess i slipped into a mood whereby i was slightly depressed, last night.
cause of the thoughts that came to mind, that inspired the blogging topics.
and also because i felt like smoking and drinking a little.
i was like, eh, why do i feel like that. ok, maybe blah blah blah.
decided to game. distract myself. so i diablo-ed from like 4 to 7 hahaha.
got stuck some where in act 5. cant find the way to the ancients haha.
so yeah loh, ran here and there and every where in the map.
after a while i was like, ah ya, sian, stopped playing haha.
ok shall stop here, eyes are tired. body too.
long day tomorrow. nights nights.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 00:36
Monday, May 21, 2007
i cant get to sleep. maybe its the game maybe its the coffee.
my mind feels like a hive now. filled with activities. in this case, thoughts.
these entry shall be all about my thoughts.
heike may have hit the raw nerve after all. something i do not dare admit.
yeah, maybe i still have some feelings for her deep inside.
i am not sure though. for this particular girl. i think i loved her too much.
its not wrong to love, dun get me wrong. its just hard to let go totally.
i have more or less done so. ask me to delete pictures, throw away our writings.
my reply would be, over my dead body. why so i do not know.
right now i am trying to move on. yet there i am hesitant about doing so.
if its true that there is still something, than it would be a wrong move to make,
should i decide to get into another relationship. not that i am planning to.
but yeah, it would affect the relationship. not very healthy.
if i cant commit a hundred percent to the girl, than its a no go.
it ain't right. and love isn't a game or anything anymore, that's why.
what did i say that sounded derogatory in any manner.
or sounded like i had any feelings of contempt.
thats pretty interesting an interpretation. with regards to the subject,
my conclusion has taken a twist that some what shocks myself.
pretty interesting that i included another subject into the equation as well.
fine, lets push the boundaries. lets see how far one will go.
amusing what one does as a result of love or the likes of it.
it leaves me buffled.
you know what, i feel like smoking or drinking or something.
there's too much on my mind. i wanna sleep. i seriously wanna sleep.
its too late already though, 03:10. afraid i cant get up for work tomorrow.
my body is tired, my mind, i cant say the same.
ah, whats wrong with this shell.
i shall try something out. an experiment with myself and my emotions.
since i know i am pretty much aware of my emotions.
i shall try and check them before emoting.
in other words, rationalise my thoughts.
the set back though, as was said, of over rationalising.
is that one becomes some what, robotic.
shall still carry on with it though.
i need a hair cut. trim a little hair off here and there, especially around the ears.
ok, shall do that when i have the cash. my head looks like a mop.
i look weird after getting up from bed. wait i always look weird when i wake up.
like some explosion had just taken place.
my hair would be all standing or something, just super messy.
hahah, attached. i have taken on a change that makes me seem attached ahha.
that, would be the most interesting topic i heard for the day.
the observations others have of me, never fail to catch my attention.
i really like hearing what others have observed about me.
sometimes i get some very interesting stuff from friends,
and we laugh about it together. ok, back back.
in what way do i seem to have changed that makes me seem attached?
the black coffee? hahahaha its really fun. i cant figure this out hahah.
interesting really. right now, with the possible ladies i know.
if i am attached to any of them, it would be bad for them.
i would just totally corrupt them in everyway that i am capable of hhaha.
unknowingly la. why would i wanna consciously corrupt them.
if there's any reason for what seems like a change in me.
firstly, it would due to self awareness of certain character flaws or the like.
secondly, i have been bugged down with a few things recently.
be it thoughts or what. it gets tiring on the mind. its wears the mind out.
therefore, affecting the physical state of a person.
and it also causes the stoning or, physically present yet mentally adsent, state.
its not totally about girls i am thinking of hahaha.
hmmm, guys with their radar, GPS what ever you wanna call it.
me with my super sensitive one hahaa. no i check every girl out.
there's one particular feature, the most obvious at a glance,
that usually catches my eye, which causes the head-turn thing.
and so unfortunate of me, many girls has that one thing hahaha.
it doesn't have to be specific, as long as its close to it, it catches me already.
yeah, and i am the super curious kind.
so the one thing that i really wanna find out, dunch ask me why,
is the face hahaha. i wanna see whats the face like.
i dunno why so dun ask me, i dunno whether its because i wanna check out
how beautiful her face is, or how cute it is or what.
just wanna look thats all hahaha.
gonna make myself some hot drink later.
getting a bit hungry. falling sick again. getting very sleepy.
whats the one thing that have been on my mind recently?
trying to apply what i have learnt.
shall edit my blog. end.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 02:55
third entry for today, just had my bath.
technically speaking, first entry of the day, monday.
i shall tell my readers the story of a boy. a close friend of mine.
lets just call him, subject.
a brief history of subject's family. born into a poor family.
family was previously well to do, became poor.
aunt's side was pretty well to do when subject was born.
all the aunts actually. mother was wicked.
dad was a good dad. had a witty, cunning mind.
hmmm, stayed with aunt's family with subject's brother and aunt's son, since birth.
bro returned to his parents cause he wanted to.
aunt loved subject like her own, some rumored it to be more than her own son.
mum didn't want subject even before birth. delivery difficulty.
mum made choice of herself over son.
subject treated harshly, try imagining this, a baby has chicken pox.
mum scrubs subject while bathing because subject came home from aunt's place.
mum is unhappy and claims child is smelly, therefore the scrub with chicken pox.
yesh, there are some scars of cause.
dad desperately needs to feed family. family hits rock bottom.
1991, gulf war, birth of another child. dad declared bankrupt. era of the loan sharks.
subject becomes trump card. dad's hold over aunt for cash to feed family.
aunt dun give, dad take subject home. something like that i think.
cant remember. traumatic pass of subject shapes subject. of cause.
subject some how is able to tell when what are other feeling.
be it something bad or good, from the person's body language and tone etc.
thats age let me think. erm, K2 i think. is that 6 ?
major event happens. aunt and hubby marriage on the rocks.
gambling runs in the blood of the family, brought down all the families in the tree.
aunt's side was no exception.
subject and cousin loved helping grandma with her plants.
like planting for her, peeing into the pots, destroying some plants.
experiments like burning the leaves.
developed a knowledge of insectides and weed poison.
one seemingly fine afternoon. date was 14th july. after returning from school.
as usual aunt sits at the empty space outside of the house drinking milo.
family usually gathers there to chat with neighbours as it is windy.
the kids play there. hop scotch and what have you. its like an activity zone.
anyway, aunt is outside. subject, grandma, cousin,
subject's brothers and the maid is in the house. subject searches for aunt.
find her outside, notices weed poison smell. first thought that come to mind.
someone has opened the bottle. second thought that came to mind.
its not the time grandma tends to her plants. or day for that matter.
subject chats with aunt. aunt expresses motherly love, sorrow,
troubles, reasons for her actions though not saying what she done to subject.
subject senses something amiss. something happened, temporary void in mind.
subject notifies grandma that aunt has taken poison, mixed with milo.
aunt rushed to hospital. more of such stuff.
family places hope in subject and cousin to "bring" aunt back.
aunt is changed forever, how, i do not know how to express.
series of events happen. diary found. thoughts are expressed in detail.
reasons and what have you. it was a page of a dying person's last words.
next few months to come, more of such attempts.
tough time for subject's entire family.
dad decides to take subject home after dunno when.
dad has a quarrel with aunt. takes subject back.
at the carpark, aunt's crying can be heard from her home, the eleventh floor.
dad orders subject to enter car, eldest male cousin present
with subject's entire immediate family.
subject refuses, turns back on dad, walks back towards the lift whistling.
dad snaps, hits subject, flings subject against the tree.
toe nail on the little toe bleeds. subject cries, dad leaves.
red honda civic. family tends to wounds. no further recollection.
subject was very playful, always monkeying around, trying out new things.
extremely itchy finger and curious. hated studying as well.
by then, subject's family was staying with aunt's family.
dad aught subject maths, with a cane.
long division. subject's worst nightmare. could do everything that got bigger.
like multiples, plus, minus was an exception. just couldn't reverse it.
subject loved art. did a lot of drawing. had pictures of dinosaurs on cards.
mentally combined three dinosaurs, drew out one. quite a nice one.
subject loved building blocks. live lego and stuff.
didn't quite like following the instructions to build the lego.
preferred to build it based on what subject saw, referred only when stuck.
completed it, then modified.
had a fascination, for everything. loved playing with fire.
played with te ligher under grandma's bed.
loved jumping from the double decker bed. loved giving the maid a hard time.
love chatting with people. very fluent in chinese.
was one hell of a monkey. drank 2 bottles of hooch by subject's self at pri 2.
could hold liquer well at that age.
ahhh, so late le. over killed time. anyway its just a story.
dunch take it too real hahaha. okok, i gtg. yeah meeting her on wednesday HAAHA.
her terrible boy horribly blogged @ 00:46
